TEN THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY TO PEOPLE:

1: I wish you knew how much I truely love you. I would die for you if need be. I don't want anyone else, and it kills me everytime I think about being the "other one". You are selfish and a liar, but you make me so happy it makes me sick.

2: Just shut the fuck up and look around you. Do you see how many people dislike you? How many people want to bash you head in with a brick over and over again? Get a fucking clue and learn how to treat people.

3: I have envyed you all my life, you had everything I ever wanted. Now I realize how different we really are and I will never be like you, nor do I want to be. You are beautiful, classy, smart, and ment for business... I am not. I wish you luck in whatever you do, and I will always love you.

4: I don't understand you. You flip your words so much its amazing you can keep track of your own stroies. I am not your enemy, so stop treating me like one, and then turn around and try to be my friend.

5: You shithead little bastard. You ruined part of my life that I will never get back, EVER. You took from me something that has taken these past 2 years to rebuild, and I'm still rebuilding it. I hate you with ever fiber of my being, and I hope you rot in hell for the things you did you me, and most likely other girls as well. Fuck you.

6: I knew you were an amazing friend, but now that I am gone I realize how much I need you in my life. I swear to never lose contact, you're like family to me.

7: You confuse the fuck out of me. You pop into my life whenever you please, and the just disappear again for months on end, and then show up again. Please make up your mind, either stay or go.

8: I treated you like a brother. I let you into my life when you let me stay. I cooked, cleaned, spent stupid ammounts of money and for what? For you to sit on your fat lazy ass and then get mad at me when the dishes didn't get done. I'm not your fucking mother. What you did to me was beyond fucked up, and I will make sure to make your life hell through kindness, making you break with a smile on my face.

9: I wish that I could always be there for you. You became my little brother several years ago and I value that in my life. I know you turn to me with lots of questions and I try to answer them. Never loose faith, I love you dearly.

10: When I ask for help, that means I actually need it. Don't shrug it off like nothing, it hurts more than you know.


NINE THINGS ABOUT MYSELF:

1: I have insanely bright blue contacts

2: I am extreamly flexible

3: I have a car and a motorcycle back in California

4: I have 4 tattoos and plan on getting several more

5: I love someone that right now I cannot have, if ever.

6: I love taking spontanious trips

7: I want to be a mother but I'm so afraid that I won't be a good one.

8: I'm a LARPer and miss it greatly

9: I'm getting out of the Navy in 2011, possibly starting a business with my best friend in Cali or comming back to Georgia


EIGHT WAYS TO WIN MY HEART:

1: Realize I am insecure about my looks, and love me for who I am
2: Don't be stuck up, be open for adventure
3: Hold me just for the sake of holding me, not when I ask or just after sex.
4: Surprise me sometimes with dinner, sometimes I get tired of cooking.
5: Don't get mad when I buy you gifts.
6: Understand that I have been hurt very badly in my past. If I need to cry, let me cry and get it out. I'll be alright shortly.
7: Be open to any form of conversation, ranging from Shakespeare to how bad a fart smelled.
8: Don't ever insult my family. You WILL regret it.

SEVEN THINGS THAT CROSS MY MIND A LOT:

1: How much longer this deployment is and how much longer I have until I get out.
2: The past, and what I could have done differently.
3: How I hate myself for loving him
4: How bad I think I still look, much to everyone elses objections
5: How much I miss my family and friends
6: How much I'm missing being deployed, sitting in the Arabian Gulf
7: How 2 faced so many people are on my ship.

SIX THINGS I DO BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP:

1: Change out of coveralls
2: Take off my boots and socks
3: Put on sweats (its 55 in my berthing)
4: Curl up in both my blankets with Hobbes
5: Set my alarm on my phone
6: Think about him and what the future holds

FIVE PLACES I WANT TO VISIT:

1: Ireland
2: Australia
3: Greece
4: Egypt
5: Texas (yeah, thats right, Texas)

FOUR THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1: White t-shirt
2: Coveralls
3: Steel toe boots
4: Glasses


THREE BANDS I LISTEN TO OFTEN:

1: Three Days Grace
2: Rob Zombie
3: Marvelous 3

TWO THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

1: Ride my bike cross country without a care or time limit
2: Have a family

ONE CONFESSION:

Most of the time I seem fine and chipper, but for those who know me well, they know on the inside I am ripped to shreds and emotionaly broken.




So there you go. Almost time for bed...YAY! Going to go smoke and maybe watch a movie. Toodles